Gramma's License/Transcript
Green's house, backyard (Episode title appears on a garden sign; Bill is at work in the garden.) Bill: (humming) ♫ Oh, you plant your seeds down in the dirt, ♫ ♫ You bury 'em deep so they don't get hurt. ♫ ♫ You wait a few months, they turn into plants, ♫ ♫ And that's when you do the little plants dance! ♫ Ha! Hey, that wasn't that bad. (He is suddenly greeted by the arrival of Cricket and Tilly) Tilly: Papa! Cricket: Dad! Bill: (shocked) GAH! Cricket: You're never gonna believe this! There's a place across town that sells this super fancy ice cream called "frozen yogurt"! (While saying this, he takes out an advertisement for a place called Burt's Gurt!.) Tilly: They cut a sauce that says birthday cake, they put in the blender! Bill: Aww, sorry, kids. I've got a lotta plantin' to do before sundown. But y'know...if we all pitched in and worked together, we could -- Cricket: Nah, I'll just ask Gramma to drive us. (looks over at her lounging) Bill: Ooh...I don't know about that. I haven't seen her drive in a while, so it might not be the best idea to -- Gramma (OS): HEY! (throws a book in his face) Bill: Oof. Gramma: I heard that! Come on, kids, let Gramma take you for a spin Cricket, Tilly: Yaaaaay! (follow her away) Bill:: Hey wait! Fine! Enjoy your yogurt! I'm gonna stay here and fill up on hard work! (pause; sighs) Garage Gramma: (opens the door) And...here we are! Cricket: Uh, Gramma, what are we doin' in the old garage? Dad's truck is in the front yard. Gramma: (stands next to something under a tarp) We're not taking that hunk o' junk! We're ridin'... (She pulls the tarp away to expose an antique car from Abraham Motors; she dusts off the license plate, it reads "HOTRDAL1CE".) Gramma: In style. (One of the mirrors breaks off.) Cricket: Wow! Gramma, I didn't know you had a car! Gramma: There's a lot you don't know about me, boy! (She goes over to a shelf with various racing trophies.) Gramma: I was a queen of the track! Hot Rod Alice, they called me. (looks at a picture of herself when younger as a car racer) I was unstoppable. Tilly: So that's where I inherited money for speed. Gramma: (putting on fingerless gloves) Darn right! Now let's go get that 'gurt! Cricket, Tilly: YEAH! Front yard/Street (The car drives off the lawn onto the road.) Cricket, Tilly, Gramma: Yogurt! Yogurt! Yogur -- (They end up smashing into Officer Keys' police car.) Cricket: Ugh...you okay gramma? Gramma: That dang fool came outta nowhere! You all saw it! Keys: (appears at the window) I sure saw it! And felt it, too! Looks like we've gotten ourselves into a delicious little t-bone, here! (chuckles) Ma'am, I'm gonna need to see your license, please. Gramma: Hmm. (hands it to him) There, read it and weep. Keys: Oh, my! (The license is rather old and worn out, due to being decades older than now.) Keys: Your license expired before I was even born! Looks like you'll have to get a new one! Keys: (smugly) Oh. Well, what a shame, officer. Eh, there must be something you can do to...help out a girl in need? Hmm? (smooches) Keys: Guh. Uh, I'm afraid not, Miss Green. Y'see, a license like this has no purpose anymore. It's old. It's useless. (it withers into dust) Oh, look -- it's actually turning to dust right before our eyes! (Gets out notebook) Anywho, ticket time! Miss Green, if you ever want to get behind the wheel again, you'll have to retake the driver's test! (hands her a ticket) O-o-okay...now I'm gonna go call a tow truck for you and an ambulance for me! (walks away laughing) Ow! Front yard, some time later listen 00:27 ma you don't need your license now that 00:29 we all live together I can drive you 00:31 wherever you need to go so you can just 00:33 sit here and do nothing I'm gonna go 00:35 with the tow truck guy I'll be back 00:36 later 00:37 Music 00:39 Applause 00:41 I don't listen to dad I bet you'll ace 00:43 that driver's test 00:44 you'll be back on the road in no time by 00:47 taking it test that officer please is 00:50 Tarrant I got nothing to prove to him or 00:52 anyone else Wow 00:55 grandma's really mad she's even grinding 00:57 her teeth why she's so upset maybe she 01:02 just needs a confidence boost hmm 01:04 chili you're right and I know just how 01:07 to do it hey grandma there's something 01:12 outside I need to show you 01:13 Oh Tilly did you turn the backyard into 01:16 a red circus again nope this is even 01:19 better 01:22 hello grandma and welcome to crickets 01:26 crash course for learning how to knock 01:27 crash cars we're gonna help you pass 01:29 that drivers test and you'll be learning 01:31 on this baby right chair boy where'd you 01:34 get all those traffic cones oh you know 01:36 around we have put him back I already 01:41 know how to drive and I sure as heck 01:43 don't need to take lessons from a couple 01:45 of imps Tilly can you handle this place 01:48 of course oh man just look at this 01:54 gramma you're tearing your granddaughter 01:56 apart my wife and I'll do the dating 02:00 course just knock it off Tilly 02:01 okay 02:05 all right miss green take this nice and 02:08 slow go ahead and shift into turtle for 02:10 me oh come on Ellis pull yourself 02:14 together 02:15 very good now head towards those cones 02:18 easy easy 02:20 or turning still turning and boom there 02:24 we go hmm all right this ain't too bad 02:27 huh huh very good Barry Daly now it's 02:38 work you never know what you're gonna 02:39 encounter on the road Tilly: Category:Episode Transcript Category:Season 1 Transcripts Category:G Category:A-Z